That Awkward Place Between Frumpy and Frumpy

So far, I've lost 45 pounds since summer 2012. And I feel great!

I hit a few slumps here and there, where I didn't want to continue, just wanted to stuff my face and lay around. But it wasn't anything I couldn't overcome. I just got right back up and kept going.

Really I was just bored, so I found something new to do, like running. I run at least three miles a day, but five when I have a little extra time. I'm signing up for 5k's and riding my bike to school. I work out outside, because the thought of the gym hurts my head... And other things too.

I realized that I have to keep what I'm doing fresh. If I do the same thing over and over, I get bored very quickly and find myself discouraged. So being creative with my food and my work outs has become a new challenge - but in a good way.

However, I've been faced with a bit of a dilemma, otherwise.

The majority of my clothes do not fit!

When I was at my heaviest (270) frumpy meant I was self conscience and wore big clothes because I didn't like attracting attention to myself. Plus nothing ever fit me right. Now that I am where I am, I want clothes to start fitting me right! I want people to see the results from all the dang squats I do! I want to project how good I feel about myself and my body. However, when all my clothes are two sizes too big, it is hard to convey. It doesn't help that I am a broke college student. It's expensive to have to buy new pants every couple months, or new shirts, new bras, etc etc!!! And believe me, I am not your typical sewing machine lady, or fashionista.

Therefore, this leaves me at that awkward stage between frumpy and frumpy.

So I'm here wondering what to do about it. I keep telling myself that I'll lose more weight and I should just wait til then, but what about all this frumpiness? I don't particularly like looking like a slob. Especially when I feel nothing like one! Why make that impression?

And I'm not about to ask my friends to take in my clothes every two seconds.

I thought about thrifting, but I usually can't find anything I like. I guess I'm not much if a thrift store junky either (when it comes to clothes). Plus thrift clothes are sometimes just as much as new!

I'm just stubborn, that's what it is.

That brings up another thing. I need a new style!

Yeah I said it, my stubborn ass needs a new style.

Most my life, if not all of it, I have just worn men's t-shirts and jeans. Again, to hide my body and attract attention very far away from me. That was the only thing I was comfortable in, and if anyone tried to change that I would resist. Never have I liked wearing women's clothing. I only wear women's jeans, and of course lady part holders. Everything else comes from the men's section. I don't think that will ever change. Fact is, I'm just not comfortable wearing a bright colored fluffy blouse all the time. Or skirts. Or any other lady things that make me look so lady like. But because I'm a lady of sorts, it's been assumed I need to wear lady clothes. Therefore, I've never explored any kind of style. I just stayed wearing what I have been since I was able to pick out my own unflattering clothes.

But then.... My mind was blown!

A friend made me realize that I can still wear men's clothing, and be comfortable, AND look good, while still holding on to the femininity I want to hold onto.

Wow.... No really... I had no idea!!

I mean, I haven't gone out to do such shopping and discovering, but! When the time comes, that's what I'm going for.

I'm changing my life, my lifestyle, everything. And I'm loving every second of it. I have goals for where I want my body, and what I want for myself. Having a sense of fashion is just a small part of that. However, it will make me feel so much better, wont make me feel frumpy, and let my confidence shine through on the outside the same way I feel on the inside.

But wait.... I'm still at the awkward stage between frumpy and frumpy. I have another 50+ pounds to lose. Not to mention the toning that comes after that.

Hmm...

Well.. I just need to balls up and stop making excuses!

Cheap clothes are not that expensive. Thrift stores have to have different clothes in other sections. It's ok to ask friends and family to bring in my clothes if its something worth keeping, and I offer them something in return. I just need to do it.

Much of these excuses, like many, come from fear. A part of me is afraid of letting go. I have been overweight for how long? I am losing someone that I've known for years, and it is scary. I have been my own best friend, and now this new, improved, confident person is taking place of that. I miss qualities of my older self, and I'm in denial that I am actually losing that person. That is why I hold on to things, like being frumpy.

So that's it. I need to face the fear of reality, and set a budget for new clothes every so often. Five dollars here, five dollars there. I can buy a new shirt every month.

Soon I'm going shopping, and I'm taking my brilliant friend with me! She might have to deal with a little bit of stubbornness though... Sorry in advance ;)

Can't stop now! I've come too far!

Until next time <3