Working Out and Such

When I was young, I used to dance. It seemed like we would dance all day every day. Travel to dance, wake up to dance, and go to sleep after dancing so we could wake up in the morning and do it all over again. It probably wasn't that much in reality.. But it was a pretty significant part of mine and my siblings lives for a while there. I was pretty active in other ways too. I was on the jump rope team in elementary school, and played basket ball. I loved to roller blade, and ride my bike too.
Then after all that, I might as well have been hit my a truck. I didn't ever move unless it was to walk to class or something. Doing anything active was totally unappealing. Countless times my cousins and friends would ask if I wanted to do something. I was that friend who ruined it for everyone else by saying no.
When I was in middle school my brother had started wrestling for Valley High. He went through a crazy amount of training and diet to meet weight classes and what not. It was inspiring to me because he found something that he really loved. Something to get him up in the morning. Goals to reach. One day I decided to work out with him. He ran a few miles down the ditch, and probably without stopping. I wouldn't know, I didn't even make it down the street without thinking I was going to die. I most likely ran half way down, walked back, and ate something.
When I started college, I thought it would be wise to save money and take the bus to CNM/UNM. The bus stop was literally two blocks away, and I remember thinking that was still too far. It didn't last. I would schedule my classes so I didn't have to walk across campus in less than five minutes. And note that neither campus is that big. I was the laziest person I knew. Even before I decided to start doing something about my weight this summer, I would make it a point to make routes that involved elevators or short cuts. It was bad.

My doctor told me that if I didn't do something about my health I was on the fast track to diabetes. Talk about freaking me out. I needed to make a change, and soon. This whole 'just eat the cheesecake' thing wasn't going to work anymore. I wasn't invisible. I never have been. And it definitely wasn't going to just magically be okay in the long run. To me, I was already sick. I already had diabetes. I was already on a path to never turning back.

I had to do something.
It wasn't easy. I didn't just wake up one morning and say 'oh, now I'm healthy, everything is going to be different, and I'm all active.' No. I still wake up and have a hard time motivating myself to get to the gym. I still say I'll do it tomorrow. I mean, ya, It's easier today than it was then, but it took alot to get here. And it's going to take even longer to get to where I should be. But it's a process. A long one. I think that was the biggest realization I have had to make this whole time. I am going to wake up tomorrow and probably look the same, but I'll feel better. However, when a year or so rolls around, I won't look like I do when I wake up tomorrow, I will look different.
Healthy.
Maybe skinny, but I'll be healthy. That is what matters.

This week I met with my personal trainer for the first time. He comes with the healthy weight package. The picture above is what I looked like right after the work out. Then I changed my shirt... and it was just as wet. I had been working out since the beginning of summer. Not only have a not been that sore since then, I hadn't sweat that much. I felt great! It was unbelievable.
I definitely need to pick up more tips from him. I tried doing the same work out we did the next day, and it wasn't as effective at all. I was pretty bummed.
I have really been enjoying this whole working out thing. I can't wait until I am more advanced. I want to be strong, in mind, body, and spirit. It doesn't matter how I look anymore. It just matters that I feel better. Everything else will come after. Like I said, it's gonna be a long road.

And it is here that I will say
The goal that I am working towards, ya know besides everything else, is that I want to start boxing again. I want to have a strong body like a boxer. I boxed when I was younger for a whole month... ya... but I really loved it. It was the only sport that my mom ever put me in that I truly loved. The reason I quit was because I was embarrassed I couldn't run the mile.. So I never showed up again. This time, though, I want to really stick with it. I have a ways to go before I can start doing that again, but for sure.. I wanna box. This is my goal.

Anyways,
Until next time <3

"Why are you in the healthy weight program?"

Last week I was asked by my health coach, "Why are you in the healthy weight program?" I stared at the little posty note the question was on. I didn't know what to write. I had just gotten back from a week wondering why it was worth it, what the point was, and believing that I may never be in the body I am supposed to be in.
I wrote something generic like, "I want to live a healthier lifestyle. I don't want to be judged by friends and family anymore about my health, and I don't want to suffer long term effects because of my weight. I want to be strong in mind, body, and well being."
Although these are great reasons to be in the healthy weight program, I didn't think it was good enough. I felt like I didn't deserve to be there, because maybe it really wasn't the right answer to the question, or it wasn't specific enough, or my motivation wasn't strong enough.
But long story short, I deserve to be there just as much as anyone else. The fact that I signed up for it meant that I was stuck and needed help. So whatever the reason really is, whether its deep down inside or I'm not ready to voice it, I know that is what it comes down to. I needed help, and I couldn't find it in the places I was looking... There was usually just food there.

So how'd I get this way?
I have been overweight for more than half of my life. I used to be skinny as a kid, heathy, in sports. Then one day everything shattered. School kids weren't nice anymore, my family life was rocky to say the least, I was shy and didn't have many friends, I was growing up. However, I wasn't growing up in the same way. I wasn't the cool kid. I was the kid with hairy arms and thick eye brows that got made fun of on a daily basis. One time, while taking the bus, one of my regular bullies thought it would be funny to spill chili power all over me, and pull my hair all in the same swoop.
Anyways, and needless to say, I turned to food. Food became my addiction just like drugs, sex, and alcohol become addictions for other people. Society doesn't realize that food is just as bad of an addiction, and it kills your body in soul in the same ways. It's just so accessible, and disguised by something that should be happening naturally, that no one thinks twice about it. Everyday in middle school, when things really started to go down, I would go to the snack bar and order: cheetoes, snickers, coke, pizza, and snowballs. Those snow balls killed me. This was an everyday thing. Sometimes I would even go through the lunch line and get my free lunch, then follow it up with a visit to the snack bar.
I came to love food. So much that I would dream about it and wake up with goals of what I was going to eat that day. It became habit. A way of life. I went through middle, high, and continued onto college with these mentalities. My motto was "Just love the cheesecake!" because I would hate watching healthy people being healthy and deciding against something that was going to keep them that way. I was in denial, for sure.
And don't get me wrong... I know I am speaking in past tense. It is only because it is a strategy for my continued change. I still use food as a comfort when I am upset or stressed out and having a bad day. I still use food as a comfort when I am having a wonderful day. Food is still a huge part of my life. Kicking that habit does not come overnight. Just last night I walked into my mom's house and ate two cookies without even thinking, just because they were there.

Regardless, here are some pictures of food that used to be an everyday for me.

Until next time <3

Healthy Weight Program

On September 4th 2012 I started the Healthy Weight Program at school. Lets back track a bit... I picked up a flier at work advertising a $45 program through Student Health on campus that guided students on the path to a healthy lifestyle. 16 weeks with a health coach, 7 weeks with a nutritionist, and 5 with a personal trainer. I signed up immediately, and felt like I waited forever for it to begin. I met my health coach for the first time, and we reviewed my goals and expectations. I left really excited. The next week when I got my plan this is what it looked like ---

It was extremely intimidating, and I doubted my ability to make this journey. However, I held my head up high, and even cried a little, while I read over the plan over and over as instructed. I found myself continuing to go back... and continuing to think of creative ways I could accomplish my goals... like getting a bike! ------ Now, this is the beginning of my 6th week. Last week wasn't so good. I ate really awful food, and didn't exercise as much as I wanted to. I had a mildly difficult week. I have been overwhelmed in school, behind , found out my Nina has diabetes, and so on...Things that shouldn't get too deep into discussion. BUT! After meeting with my health coach yesterday, I felt 1000x better. I think I just needed to talk it out, and needed someone to tell me that, ya... it's gonna be hard, but it gets better. Which is exactly what she told me. She's pretty awesome. So as always, she has given me goals for the week, posty notes for challenges and successes, and a few other things. Last week I did not finish my goals. They were: Work out 3 times, keep your head up, catch up on readings for class... seems easy enough right? That's what I thought too. This week I want to turn things around. I am doing this for me, for my family, and for my future. What I do today, effects what happens tomorrow. And there is no other time to experience this moment but now. I have my goals set: Work out 3 times, catch up on all classwork, eat colorful foods, and check out the "it gets better" podcast. ----

And so far I have been doing well. I did a short workout at home last night, and went to the gym this morning for 40 min. I'v never sweat so much on a stationary bike. Go figure. After, I went to the grocery store and tracked down things like dragon fruit, apples, GIANT avocados, whole wheats, and tons of veggies. And to top it off, I felt wonderful on my walk to work today... wonderful. My shorts were falling off my waist, and I think I was even smiling. HAHA. Until next time... <3